The first thing you want to decide on before embarking on a romantic fantasy are the limits. What is going to be allowed and what isn’t? This is especially important if the fantasy crosses over into the darker side of sexuality. Always have a keyword that means no, because you may actually like saying no without meaning it. But once either of you use that keyword, you both know a line has been crossed and you stop. It doesn’t mean the fantasy has to stop, not by any means, in fact it’s great fun to take that little moment of crossing over the line and using it to work back to where you were.
You’ll want to put a lot of thought into what kind of romantic fantasy you want to have. How complex and complicated. Believe it or not, some couples actually spend an entire weekend engaged in a fantasy. They call each other by fantasy names, refer to fantasy jobs and friends. It may sound kind of strange, but it isn’t as odd nor as unusual as you might suspect. In fact, a weekend long fantasy can turn a quick two-day getaway into something you’ll always remember. Go away for the weekend, stay in a hotel and you can pretend you are completely different and nobody else is going to know and bring you crushing back to reality.
And the great thing is that you can go all out. Buy a new outfit or two that is nothing like what you normally wear. Buy a wig or some temporary hair dye. Completely and totally transform your looks. If your wife never gets to see you in a suit, chances are she’d really enjoy a fantasy involving you as a high powered businessman. If you’ve always dreamed what it would be like to dress up in a way that accents your body rather than hiding it, your man will go crazy.
Choose a name that isn’t anything like your own. You probably get tired of hearing your own name and unless it’s something really unique you may not even like it. One tip: stay away from names of your favorite celebrities or else you may start wondering if your partner is fantasizing about him or her instead of interacting with you. But now is a great time to try on that name you always liked, but weren’t fortunate enough to have parents who could see into the future choose as your signifier. As I pointed out earlier, for many people it’s easy enough to call their loved one by another name when the fantasy is at the acting out part. No matter how close to home your plot is, it is still just a fantasy. Once things begin moving toward the more physical, however, some people just find it really weird to refer to their mate by another name. It’s nothing to get upset about. Heck, you can still keep doing the fantasy using your real names. After all, it’s your fantasy!
And what will your fantasy be? It doesn’t have to incredibly complicated. You just can pretend that you are two new employees meeting for the first time. Or a new roommate moving into your apartment. Of course, if you really want then you can make it as wild and dense as you want. Go out for a night on the town, split up somewhere and pretend to meet for the first time. Get to know each, go for a drink or even dinner. Make it like a first date between two completely different people.
The thing about that is that you are the writer of your biography. You can literally become whomever or whatever you want. In this way, romantic fantasy is more than just sex games. It can actually become a kind of therapy. Choose a fantasy or a character that not only allows you to be attractive to your mate in a completely different and unexpected way, but that might actually reveal a part of each of your personalities’ you didn’t know the other possessed.
Go wild. Suggest something that you’ve thought about in your dreams, but you didn’t dare want to actually speak out because you thought you might get looked at like you were crazy, or perverted. I’ll bet that almost anything kind of sexual fantasy you’ve thought about often is something that your partner has thought about as well. There are lines that can be crossed here, of course, but those lines belong to you. Seek out just how far you think your partner might be willing to go.
You might even be willing to subject yourself to light pain but feel like your husband or wife will consider you disturbed. Perhaps, but perhaps not. And it probably isn’t going to damage your relationship if you get these darker fantasies out in the open. It’s the hiding of thoughts and feelings from your partner that is more likely to cause problems, especially if these kinds of fantasies are persistent and thorough, because they will eventually rise to the surface and when they do it might not be in a way that your mate will accept as easily as if you turn it into a sexual opportunity.
By understanding the fantasies that you have and taking part in the fantasies that your mate has, you cannot help but come to a deeper and more fulfilling appreciation of him or her. Truly understanding someone requires more than just understanding that which is on the surface. All of us have private lives we live in our minds, fearing to share with others. The excitement of a sexual encounter is the perfect place to invite the one you love to come into that world and find out what it is you are wanting that you don’t have. Or that you have but aren’t quite fulfilled by.
Taking on names and different looks now becomes a distancing device. You can put distance between what you secretly want until you feel your partner is more readily accepting of it. And in the meantime, you just might have the greatest sex of your life!