The folks in charge of the Griswold family’s vacations pulled a little British terminological twist on moviegoers when they had the Griswolds make a Christmas movie. Not a Christmas movie where they went somewhere, but where their holiday was supposed to be what the British call a vacation. The Griswold family and franchise went on holiday during the holidays. Which bets the question why haven’t other successful movie franchises tried to inject a little life into a their long, slow, gasping death of numbing sameness by turning the next entry into a Christmas-themed flick.
Maybe the “Poltergeist” franchise could have squeezed a few more scares by out its life by taking a hint from Charles Dickens. Dickens recognized that the only thing better than a ghost story was one set at Christmas. And vice versa, of course. Not that a “Poltergeist” movie should necessarily have been another version of Scrooge. Goodness knows there are more ways to scare up Christmas ghosts than utilizing them for redemption yet again.
Planet of the Apes
What better way to add something to the story of Christmas as it was originally intended than by recreating it far in the future where our own story of the very commencement of a world religion (despite what Bill O’Reilly may believe) would have been long forgotten. Replaying the birth of a savior among the philosophical milieu set on a futuristic earth where apes evolved from man is so deeply rich in potential that you can have just as much fun imagining the many ways Hollywood would screw it up as coming up with ways to do it right. Another great reason that the “Planet of the Apes” franchise should try out a Christmas-themed entry would be watch the resulting outcry from conservative pundits declaring another war on the holiday and Christianity.
The Fast and the Furious
Expensive cars going faster than they should on the streets where you live. What could possibly sound more Christmas-like than that? See, the thing about making a Christmas-themed “The Fast and the Furious” is that it would be like when you download a Christmas theme to a video game. Everything remains exactly the same as it ever was, except that everything looks just slightly off. Vin Diesel will be zipping past guys in Santa suits and girls in skimpy elf costumes instead of guys in suits and girls in skimpy shorts. Different, but still the same. Get it?
Happy ChrisHanukaMasKwanzaRamadon, Bill O’Reilly!