The Best X-Files Monsters of the Week

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Tooms.

One of only a handful of X-Files villains worthy of getting his own sequel, Eugene Tooms is without question one of the creepiest of all and both his episodes rank in my own personal top twenty-five X-Files of all time. Tooms was this creature kind of like Stephen King’s It that slumbers for thirty years and then awakens to feast on bile to keep him alive. What makes Tooms so much creepier than X-Files monsters that may be more disgusting is that the actor who played him was brilliant, keeping him mysterious enough and frightening enough to make him memorable.

The Fluke Man.

There is one episode where Scully mentions to Mulder that despite all they’ve been through she’s never regretted a moment of their partnership…although she could have done with the Fluke Man. The Fluke Man is notorious among viewers of the X-Files for being probably the single most disgusting creature Scully and Mulder ever came up against. Let’s put it this way: a fluke is essentially a work and this worm was the size of a man. Ick.

The Peacocks.

Okay, so the Peacocks aren’t really monsters per se. They nevertheless win the title of the X-Files villain that most people consider the most disturbing and, let’s face it, they are more monster than human. So disturbing was the episode in which they appear, Home, that many years ago when the Sci-Fi Channel ran a countdown of the top ten X-Files episodes as voted on by viewers, Home was the last one shown despite the fact that it only came in at number 3. It was delayed until after prime time because its subject matter and certain scenes were deemed inappropriate for children. You got that right. The Peacocks are a bunch of inbred mongoloids that will go to any lengths to preserve their rather unique method of propagating their kind despite looking like Geico cavemen who’ve been bathed in acid. For years after this episode first aired, my wife and I would refer to anyone who did something idiotic as a Peacock.

Leonard.

I wish I could say more about Leonard from one of the absolute greatest X-Files episodes ever, Humbug. But to say much about this X-Files monster would be to give away too much. Let’s just put it this way: Humbug is the X-Files homage to carny movies, in particular Tod Browning’s Freaks. You must see this episode if you have any interest in the X-Files.

Eddie Blundt.

Eddie has a fantastic power: he can transform himself to look like anybody else. This makes for another of the top ten X-Files episodes ever and David Duchovny’s greatest performance. What makes Eddie and Small Potatoes so great, in fact, is Duchovny’s brilliant evocation of a loser playing Mulder and getting right to the elements of the FBI’s agent life that many would say makes him a loser as well.

Texas Vampires.

No, not George W. Bush and the gang that couldn’t think straight. In the comedic episode of the X-Files titled Bad Blood, Mulder and Scully visit a small Texas town that is home to a community of vampires who simply want to leave normal lives. Unfortunately, there is always at least one teenager in every town who is intent on screwing it up for everybody. Another top ten X-Files episode.

The Zombie Bug Monster.

The episode is titled Folie a Deux and there is a monster that only certain people can see. As for the rest of the denizens of this X-Files episode, a call to the boss’ office results in a trip back to your cubicle looking like you just saw Joan Rivers naked. What do you do when nobody believes your claims that your boss is a big bug who can turn people into zombies? Ask Scott McClellan.

The Hurricane Monster.

Another X-Files monster that wasn’t given a name, this one shows up in the episode Agua Mala. Whatever it is, it lives in the water and what could be better for such a creature than Florida during hurricane season? I’ll tell you one thing about this X-Files episode and this X-Files monster: you’ll never go to the bathroom during a rainstorm again without thinking twice.

The Arcadia Garbage Monster.

Mulder and Scully go undercover as a married couple named Rob and Laura Petrie! This gated community seems just a little too perfect unless you aren’t totally anal retentive and can’t help but rebel against insane authority. I wouldn’t have lasted two days and neither does Mulder who is soon rebelling against some pretty arbitrary rules. Unfortunately, there is a beast living in Arcadia that doesn’t quite approve of bust light bulbs on street lights, mailbox posts that are askew, and basketball courts on the driveway.

The Giant Mushroom.

In the X-Files episode Field Trip things are simply not what they seem. To say more is to rip from you the delight of the slow revelations about what is taking place. But when I claim that a giant mushroom is one of the most memorable X-Files monsters of the week, you can bet I’m being serious.

Rob Roberts.

Yeah, sure, Rob Roberts doesn’t have nearly the exciting potential as The Giant Mushroom the X-Files episode Hungry will have you reconsidering that quick trip down to the nearest fast food joint. Rob is a memorable X-Files monster in part because, like Tooms, the performance is so creepy. Add in some genuinely disturbing murders and you’ve got X-Files monster gold.

The Cops Monster.

What is so memorable about the X-Files episode X-Cops is that you never see him. Not only that, but it is described differently by everybody who sees it. In a way this is the perfect monster of the week for the X-Files because it essentially pure fear. This X-Files episode is also notable for the fact that it was shot on video with handheld cameras in the style of the show Cops, complete with the Mulder and Scully occasionally directly addressing the camera.