How to Foretell the Future using Dice

Forget tea leaves, astrology and the Tarot—and by the way, I can tell you from personal experience that those Tarot guys are a touchy sort—if you want a quick method for divining your future, pick up a pair of dice and go to town. The great thing about using dice to tell your future is that you don’t need to pick up the local paper or go to a professional. In fact, all you need are those dice and a nice even surface. Shake the dice in your hands and toss away. The method for divining what will happen in your future depends on the combination that comes up.

You roll:

One and One. This is the simplest kind of fortune. If you get this result, simply make any decision of import and it is guaranteed—according to those who follow these kinds of things—to come to a successful completion.

Two and One. Keep your eyes on that music box your grandmother left you. If you roll this combo, you are going to lose something that has great sentimental value to you. The good news is that it will turn up; but there’s no guarantee how long it will be lost.

Two and Two. Now is the time to become sharp-eyed toward the opposite (or the same, depending on which you team you’re on) sex. You are about to find someone with whom you can spend a long, happy relationship with.

Three and One. Be alert to the bad news of others that could benefit your goals.

Three and Two. Make sure this was the only time you rolled dice today. If this combination comes up, the one thing you don’t want to is head to a casino or play a friendly game of poker.

Three and Three. Maybe you should either separate from your loved one entirely or not let them out of your site. This combination signals the onslaught of a romantic rival and the appearance of the ugly green monster.

Four and One. Sorry, but your bank account will take a beating. Don’t despair; it’s a short term thing.

Four and Two. It doesn’t matter how gorgeous he or she is, don’t be taken in by flattery after rolling this.

Four and Three. Trivial matters are deemed so for a reason. Be aware of the important things and don’t let the small stuff work work you into a sweat.

Four and Four. There’s a party going on somewhere that you weren’t invited to. Don’t get too upset about it. Maybe, like the Skipper on that Gilligan’s Island episode, your invite just got lost when the mailman tripped.

Five and One. Sure, things have been going hot and heavy, but passion that burns too bright tends to burn out too soon.

Five and Two. Gotta admit, if this was for real I’d start using dice every day. If you get a five and two, one of your friends (a female one, mostly likely) is going to have twins.

Five and Three. Unless you want to see some old friends or family that you haven’t been with in years, don’t open that door.

Five and Four. If someone comes a-calling to ask for a small amount for investment in a start-up company, think in terms of eBay and not all those internet sites that went broke. You are going to make serious money, my friend.

Five and Five. Considering a move? Now’s the time. It’s not only time that you moved to a new place, but maybe it’s time for a new set of friends.

Six and One. It’s been a tough time for you emotionally, but stick it out because things are going to get better soon.

Six and Two. At first that present you got may seem outlandish or even ridiculous. But give it a while and you will be surprised at just how indispensable to your life it turns out to be.

Six and Three. You will be taking a trip. But it will be short. Unfortunately, that could mean anything from a trip to the mailbox to a trip to a trip to the next state. Clouded the future is, but one thing is for sure: the result will be a very happy surprise.

Six and Four. Wow. You do not want to get this one. Getting this combination means a trip to the da judge. At least that problem you have that got you into court will finally be decided.

Six and Five. All that time and money you spent helping out those less fortunate than you will finally result in recognition of your tireless efforts.

Six and Six. You are about to launch a time of life in which you will experience more success than failure, and all due to the fact that you received an unexpected bonus.