North America's Coolest Animals

Collared peccary and young-un

Come on, let’s be honest, shall we? North America is the greatest America of them all, right! Yeah. North America is the rockingest America of them all and you know what else? We’ve got the coolest animals of any of the Americas. So take that Central America! Okay, so maybe we can’t compete with Australia’s animals, but who cares? They have to take the responsibility of raising Mel Gibson for us. Am I right? Just how cool are the coolest animals of North America? Let’s review, won’t you?

Collared Peccary

Quick, name the only piglike animal that is native to North America. If you guessed Rush Limbaugh, I’ll give you half a point, but it is actually the Collared Peccary. Once found much farther to the north of the continent, today the Collared Peccary calls only a few Southwestern states home. The resemblance to a pig is mostly located on the scales that dip heavily toward wild boars. Even still, the Collared Peccary is still a pretty cute little creature that can stand over 3 feet high on all four legs.

Wolverine

You probably don’t know just cool an animal the Wolverine really is. Let’s put it this way: in a fight between an actual animal and Hugh Jackman, you’d be a fool to wager on the boy. (By the way, did you know that Hugh Jackman is REALLY an alien who learned that the name Jack Human was a little too obvious?) The Wolverine is one of North America’s coolest animals because its ferocious qualities cannot be overestimated. In fact, you are likely to severely underestimate just how rough and ready this animal that is roughly the physical equivalent the Collared Peccary really is. Wolverines have been known take away food supplies from bears and mountain lions.

Black Widow Spider

Have you ever actually seen a Black Widow spider? If you have, you’ll never forget it. This beautiful little creature sports an exterior that resembles the most exquisitely soft leather you can buy. When you add that decorative accessory of the red hourglass that gives its game away, you cannot find a spider in any of the Americas that is quite as cool.

Alligator

North America. Let’s hear it for the way our continent led the way in revolutionizing the world. We ended slavery less than a hundred years after most of the rest of the world. And we extended the vote to women only a few years after Kyrgyzstan. Despite our leadership in the arena of progress, however, North America also lays claim to one of the most ancient animals on the globe. Treading into the swamplands so that you are (safely) protected from the American Alligator is like walking back in time. Far, far back in time. Get far enough away from the sights, sounds and smells of the 21st century and finding yourself surrounded by alligators in their natural habitat can become an eerie experience that dislocates you from time.

Roadrunner

The Roadrunner is not just one of the coolest of all North American animals because he got his own cartoon series. What makes the Roadrunner such a particularly fascinating animal is its bizarre behavior. You see, a Roadrunner has the ability to fly. When it wants to, the Roadrunner can quite easily take flight. The weird thing is that it never much seems to want to. What kind of birdbrain would rather run flat out in the host desert environment than take to the air? Weird. It’s just very weird. But also very cool.

You might have noticed I didn’t mention the American Buffalo also know as the Bison. That would be pointless. It’s the coolest animal in the world!